Just the other night, Eric told me to be my own person. It was over if I wanted to go out for dinner on my birthday or just stay home and hang out. And I flipped flopped back and forth, and asked him to decide. Just be your own person, do you want to go out or stay in.
Such a simple decision but I just couldn't decide. And then got my feelings hurt that he had the audacity to say (the completely true) I wasn't my own person.
I have a fear of making decisions. I don't want to make the wrong one.
I rely on Eric for so many decisions. What to order at dinner, what tv show should we watch, should I buy this, should we go here, what time to leave.
It doesn't even have to be a big decision. Last month, Eric had to drive away from a Taco Bell drive thru because I couldn't decide what to order. He wasn't getting anything and my eyes just kept jumping around to everything on the menu. The longer I took, the more this panic swelled up in me until I finally just said never mind and we left. The decision between a taco and burrito caused me to panic!
It's something I'm really working on because I want to Eleanor to be strong and independent. To know what she wants. To make a choice, even if she's unsure. And if it's the wrong one, to stand by her decision.
So, I think I'll have a chicken quesdilla and a crunchy taco. No tomatoes.
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