Crib.

Welp, Ellie girl.
Last night was night number one of Operation Ellie to the crib.
And it was tough on you.
But I think tougher on me.

I knew it wouldn't be fun,
especially when I laid you down earlier when you were napping
and your eyes opened up and got wide as saucers.
Like WHAT?! I don't sleep in here mom!

We agreed to let you cry for 5 minute increments
before one of us would go in and comfort you.
We laid you back down, shushed you and patted your back.

I went outside.
Then to the couch.
Then to my bed.
And I just laid there and prayed.

I prayed for God to let you just fall asleep.
That you wouldn't be scared.
That you wouldn't be sad.
That you didn't think we left you all alone.

I don't mean to sound dramatic,
when there are much worse things going on in the world.
But tell that to my mama heart,
to listen to your baby scream and cry-
when picking them up would instantly soothe her. (For the moment anyways).
Eric reminded me that I knew it wouldn't be easy.
I just didn't know it would be SO hard.

It lasted for about an hour
before you passed out.
And then another hour at 12am.
Don't tell Dad, but I picked you up once
just to hold your little body.
You just laid your head on my shoulder
and huffed little breaths.

It will get better, Ellie.
I will be thankful to not have to worry about you falling off the bed.
*Just the other morning, I walked back in the room while getting ready for work,
and you had turned sideways and pushed all the way over to the edge*
We will all get more rest.

You slept until 9:00am this morning
and when Dad went to check on you,
he said you were just laying in your bed
looking up at the ceiling. Calm as can be.

Tonight we are on our own b/c Dad works late.
We both have to be brave,
and you have to take it easy on me.
You We got this!